A goust…

A ghost, I feel like a ghost…

here but not here, people see me, recognise I’m there and then there eyes glaze over.

Subconsciously they’ve decided to categorise me under the things that you avoid walking into… remembering that something is there but not exactly come to think about sure what it is.

Hmmm… I know it’s just exam fever exploiting my already fragile feelings about myself… and everyone has other things on there minds, like exams, but hey I’m self centered narcissist damn it!

Man the human condition is way to selfcentered when over thought, which is something I am liable to do on a daliey basis

al well…

The view from the eye of the storm…

There is peace for now…

but it wont last…
and it wasn’t like this before…

in fact…

 IT’S THE EYE OF THE STORRRRRMMMMMMM!!!!!

 ”ARARRGAGGGGGGGGGGFGGHHHHHHHHH!!!”
go the little dogs and children, they know this is the place where you really should be pissing yourself.

But cos I’m not that clever I’m relaxing, playing chess, listening to music and writing (well writing this).

Prelude

The space ship has been designed. Yay!    
(no more work)
And so the design has been submitted.  Shit! : (   
(there were so many problems, working in big groups makes me realise how I hate people (see dependency) so yeah I finished my stuff on Monday but had to sort out another piece of crap each day after, twenty two pages had to have references and the labels added to figures and tables….
So it wasn’t really edited which makes me worry, I mean frankly I’m dyslexic, who the fuck know what I wrote…)

Epiloge

Exams

Bugger….

Project ‘n’ Stuff…

Why is my degree better than yours?

 I get to write stuff like ‘Super Fricken Massive Mother Loving Black Holes Yeeeeaaaaaaah’ in marked work a bit like essays but, actually about more real things then may what appear in essays

I kid I kid my honchos, my amigos, my.. my… well probably uninterested passers by. Other subjects and essays are interesting but the point is made. You can’t use Super Massive Black Holes with a straight face if you don’t do physics. The only other people who could get away with it have to be those doing something retarded like media studies… But hey not even there markers read their work sooooooo whoooooooo cares?

Anyway yes we don’t do essays, no no no… we go and use a £200000 camera strapped on to the back of an even more expensive telescope and (well my group) look at M77… other wise known as NGC 1068.

Which is an awesome galaxy with a SUPER MASSIVE thing in the centre causing everything else around it to move really really fast. You can tell from the emission lines, which are spread out as well as being red-shifted. (look it up baby, it’s that damn good).

We then do some calculations and then write about in a report… no fluff just information, equations and reason, and come to the conclusion that there is a super massive black hole in the centre making everything wiz around it.

But still I can’t seem to force myself to write the damn thing . I’m really unsure of myself when it comes to any written project, and 5000 words is just mammoth. I just don’t know whether I’m doing the right thing? – should I be writing about this or not?, should I leave this out? – is this right? – where can I find a reference?

 These questions just overwhelm me and I find it hard to start or do anything, yeah dyslexia and all it’s hang ups suck sometimes : (…

Dyslexia… Some Good…

Dyslexia screws with the structure of the brain making things involving transforming sounds in to symbols difficult…

But i believe that everyone has near enough the same number of total attributes…

[Okay... communication is one of pitfalls as well... I'll try and explain myself a little better here...]

but i mean that if someone is really really good at something they will not have that much left over for anything else, so you get…

- Socially retarded, but a genius with numbers

- A retard, but the queen of socialites

And everyone else comes inbetween. Everyone has different things in which they are retard and the queen. So although functioning in the real world involves writing and shit…. I’m happy that I have those things traditionally attributed to the dyslexic person – an eye for detail and mind for imagination…. I love teh creative side of life and pissing around in my head, I can read maps better then anyone I know because I can transform the 2D information into something 3D in my head (proper maps involving hills/undulations and bog – the stuff that looks like land but is floating on 12 meters of watery shite…).

 (also the government gave me a shed load of computer stuff when i started my degree… it’s a pay off for not teaching me how to spell…)

It’s all good, it’s all bad…

Seriously we’re all the same but in different ways… 

Dyslexia… Some Bad…

Okay so I can’t spell for shite and I find filling forms difficult…

But I’m lucky that I’m able to read yes some times I still have to ask a friend what a word is but this being a good friend shouldn’t cause too much pain…

And I do have a grasp of spelling unlike many of contemporaries (although it is a lot worse then my reading) and my texts are unless you know me quite unreadable! I will be irritating and ask friends for help and cross word puzzles are so farrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr beyond me you have no idea… even the f***ing Mail!!!

Oh the forms… I’m never sure what they’re getting at, which sounds weird but it’s true. I can’t get my head round their language, stange, maybe it’s peculiar to me…. I being a student have loads of very impotent forms (they’re generally so I can get some money to live) to fill in and they each leave me in the foetal position under the bed whimpering slightly…  : ( 

Does it all make me feel like an idiot sometimes YES.

Has it got it’s compensations YES.   : )

[next time I wax lyrical about dyslexia... or something]