A goust…

A ghost, I feel like a ghost…

here but not here, people see me, recognise I’m there and then there eyes glaze over.

Subconsciously they’ve decided to categorise me under the things that you avoid walking into… remembering that something is there but not exactly come to think about sure what it is.

Hmmm… I know it’s just exam fever exploiting my already fragile feelings about myself… and everyone has other things on there minds, like exams, but hey I’m self centered narcissist damn it!

Man the human condition is way to selfcentered when over thought, which is something I am liable to do on a daliey basis

al well…

A Tail Of Friendship : Part 3 ‘ so we talked… ‘

The Best adivice I got was to go and talk it out and explain what I was feeling…

This is truelly good advice, there was a bit of shit flying around and then a moment of, ‘okay thats done, I need to save this before its dies’.

{Okay so now I back track a little..}

The thing was that being subtle really was a bit pointless, my friend [the confidant] didn’t get what i was going on about. The hints were large and embossed, but no she didn’t get it. So we ended up offending one another. And then I had an hour of lecture were I couldn’t help thinking ‘what the fuck have i done’ (lecture v.boring -wasn’t listening / didn’t care)…

So I explained [via text] what had put me a spiral of disspare for 2 days.

I got back home.

And we talked and drank some tea – like we used to – and ate mince pies – which was something new…

And now everything is sorted. 

It’s all cool.

Yay for friends  

and i’ll proberbally live with them next year as well…

A Tail Of Friendship : Part 2 ‘And then they pulled the rug right from beneth my feet…’

So yeah I wasn’t really feeling like much, was a bit tired and didn’t really want to get up to much…

But then suddenly I was surrounded by some of my house mates and they were conversing in a different launguge! it was english I’m sure, but I was shy all of assuden and couldn’t work what they were talking about and how I should responed. It was all going so fast and I could catch on to any tread on conversation, i just felt flustered and in the way ….  : (

 And then they pulled the rug right from beneth my feet…

 Welllllllllll aperently what I thought was a small in-joke between me and a close friend, that resluted in a poster being put on my door… that unless you know this in-joke wouldn’t really register as odd….

But no.

Apperently it was put there malisously by another housemate and the world had been laughing at me for 9 months….

This information makes me wonder about wether the friendships I have with people are acctually what they seem and wether I should intrust as much of my thoughts as I do with my friends….

*sighs* 

A Tail Of Friendship : Part 1 ‘Then… well i wanted to BURN everything’

It’s true, splitting up is the hardest thing to do.

But hey that is what I had to do.

Break her heart and let go.

Then… well I wanted to burn everything.

I’d ended the most solid thing in my life and thought, hey lets pack everything else into a small shopping trolley, set it alight, push down a hill in to a canal. There would be explosions and every thing. Very Hollywood. (no I’m  not a chav but they sometimes look as though they’re having fun… to much fun… at our expense… okay now I want to kill them)

I wanted to leave the house and friends I’ve been living in with for my whole time at University, [okay the house for only 2 years but did meet friends in freshers week...], fuck them all i thought, to many memories. Everyday I walk past a door with pictures of my ex all over it [shes abroad for a year, this is how compensate... with a shrine...],  hell I even life in her old room.

Our house felt different, of the 9 people last year, we had 3 relationships going on [that's 6 of us!]. They all ended with-in  2/3 weeks of the start of this semester. It was really really fucked up.

‘He couldn’t go out with her because she might kiss some guy & that one is wondering wether that one’s ex was true &…’

…not fun. I was also battling with trying to keep my thoughts about breaking up to my self while I waited for the post to deliver a break up letter to my ex, thing was i wanted to keep it between as few people as possible before she know… so it meant living a kinda double life  . So when my confidant for the last 2 and a bit years was also looking to move out and had had an offer,

 i thought that hey I should take this and run with it… run very  very far and start again…